Day to Day personal finance contributor Michelle Singletary introduces us to Peter Enzminger, an award-winning high school student who wrote an essay that gives financial advice in the style of Shakespeare:
Shakespeare's Lost Folio
Friend Bassanio, word have I heard
That to Belmont you proceed, a task
Noble in effort yet precarious in form;
For the perils thou might face shall be neither
Few nor far between. Among these hazards
Fear not thy own mortality, rather
Upon the sharp rocks and siren songs of
Fiscal solvency focus thy energies.
Rife with deceit can the dens of the
Moneylenders be, so pack a prudent
Mind and wallet plump to weather the gale
Forthcoming.
To begin: a special reposit'ry
Shall be needed in which thy monies can
Be safely kept, preserv'd from those who might
Unravel thy tenuous lifeline from endless
Illiterate yesterdays - Yes! the future
Entire can an education deliver,
Though first saved your dollars and ducats
Must be, secure in the vaults of banks into
Which thou should'st thy savings deposit.
For one as thyself, Bassanio,
Choose not the Savings Account
But instead make certain a Checking Account
Shall be open'd in thy name, for the two
Are as night and day. A higher rate of
Int'rest may render the savings account's
Appeal the higher, yet consider thou
Must be at the bank directly to trade
Monies, while the Checking Account has
Not this obtrusive inconvenience.
Thou art permitted to write checks (paper
Bearing thy name and good credit: the
Esteem with which by others you are held)
To pay for purchas'd goods - cash now need
Not be perpetually carried, if thou
Has obtained a credit card especially not.
A brief lesson on the importance of
Good Credit may be now necessary:
To be held in high trust being Paramount
For success and the boons of responsibility
Recognized - think not that Citi nor Visa
Nor Discover nor Mastercard shall neglect
To bestow privilege upon he who
Each month in full his bill pays. Merely
Defers payment, thy credit card does, and
At the close of the payment period
Thou must complete thy bill and quit thy debt
Before't accumulates beyond thy means.
'Cause this dire hazard so potent, use plastic
Sparingly, caringly, as a fallback
For when cash becomes inconvenient
Or insufficient. Pay in full on purchase
When possible, but of this be certain:
Ample funds must in bank be present 'fore
More deals can be made. Expenses need be
Tracked, noted, and planned, the latter
Being a necessity to the practice
Of inform'd financial behaviour.
A budget, it is called, whose branches
Shall be as follows for a student as thyself,
Forsworn to learning and the love of fair
Portia: books and the life of knowledge therein
Come first in ascendancy and dear in
Cost - tomes of covers hard elicit sums
Of figures three. Forget not the common
Novel; textbooks shall not be the limit
Of what thou shalt read. Preceded are these
Tabulations by the Dormitory
Assumption: Thou shalt live on campus and
Save money with thy meal plan ticket by
Belmont U. provided. After books, for
School supplies thou must allow in thy plan
Each month: paper, pencils, pens, binder and
Other sundries. But what of thy fineries?
Remember'd must clothing be, and dress with
Care to from other suitors stand out. Certain
Spotless standards require weekly laundry,
A dose of mere coins each load, but coins soon
Become dollars, and dollars debt without a
Budget plann'd. Reserv'd should some monies
Be for the entertainment of thy fair
Maiden, for weekly dinner/movie duos.
Recourses plenty exist for thy hours
Of need, if thy final budgetary year
Should exceed the petition'd thousands three,
Look to scholarships, friend, as did I in
My time of youth. For thy Italian descent
And fiscal know-how newly inspired, monies
May appear in quantities unforeseen,
And such apparitions of monetary delights
Can you make real by mere applications
Completed and filed. As scholarships lift
Thy tuition, let work study, as it is cali'd
Relieve thy load in all areas and the final
Parcel of aid become.
With such wisdom in thy hand. God speed
And swift passage to Portia, Belmont, and financial facility.
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