LEILA FADEL, HOST:
In an increasingly online world, making friends in person can be tough. So a cafe in Washington state is hosting a regular speed friending event, platonic speed dating that will hopefully lead to friendship. Northwest Public Broadcasting's Courtney Flatt takes us there.
LAURA FLORES: Hi, I'm Laura.
SHINTELL IZQUIERDO: I'm Shintell. Nice to meet you, Laura.
FLORES: Nice to meet you, too.
COURTNEY FLATT, BYLINE: It's Friday night and Cafe con Arte in Pasco, Washington, is buzzing. About 20 people are waiting for the official speed friending event to start, including Laura Flores and Shintell Izquierdo.
IZQUIERDO: I'm here from the Tri-Cities. You come from?
FLORES: I'm over in Grandview. So I made the trek up here to make some friends, hopefully (laughter).
FLATT: Saul Martinez owns this cafe. And once everyone is seated, he kicks off the event with a question for people to discuss. What's a trivial hill you're willing to die on?
SAUL MARTINEZ: So something you can't get over. Like, for me, toilet paper rolls have to go over the top, not under, OK?
FLATT: The way it works is once Martinez asks a question, each person has a minute to answer. Then they switch tables. Izquierdo and Flores launch right in.
IZQUIERDO: Socks with sandals (laughter). Like, Birkenstock with a white sock. I just can't.
FLORES: You know what?
IZQUIERDO: That's just not OK (laughter).
FLORES: I grew up in the '90s. I'm a '90s kid. And it was so cool to have your socks with your Birkenstocks.
IZQUIERDO: OK.
FLORES: But now it's so, like, cringe (laughter).
FLATT: Martinez says he and his niece decided to start the event after she moved to town and was looking to make new friends.
MARTINEZ: Finding one good friend or acquaintance here is really the hope, right? You don't expect to walk away with 17 new friends.
FLATT: Some researchers say we're in a friendship recession. Jaimie Krems is a cognitive scientist who directs the UCLA Center for Friendship Research. She says people just aren't spending as much time with friends as they used to. The pandemic played a role, resetting people's habits. They're spending more time at work and at home and are also online more.
JAIMIE KREMS: The issue really can be this complete fracturing of the world. And so if I'm in my silo, I'm not going to come across other people.
FLATT: People at the speed friending event echoed some of that. Ava Robertshaw says she mostly hangs out with a couple of close friends, which is especially true now that she's taking college classes online.
AVA ROBERTSHAW: Honestly, it's easy to isolate, even unintentionally. Like, you can get your groceries delivered and you can work from home. And you can, you know, network and be on social medias to, like, feel the sense of connection. But I don't feel like it actually, like, meets the human, like, need for connection.
FLATT: Robertshaw says she craves the sense of community. She tried a dance class but felt like there were unspoken social norms she didn't understand, and that made her feel out of place. On the other hand, speed friending is low stakes. And the rules are clear.
ROBERTSHAW: I can struggle sometimes to connect. So I've been pushing myself to, like, find a place that kind of feels like, oh, this could be my place. Maybe some of these people are my people.
FLATT: Izquierdo also says it's hard to get out there and meet with people. Her life is so scheduled out with other responsibilities. And she says events like this help. Tonight, she talked with a few people who had similar interests, like history.
IZQUIERDO: It was very good for my soul. And to be able to meet new people and be able to have conversations I don't think I would've had otherwise if I wouldn't have come out.
FLATT: Martinez says he plans to hold more of these in the future. For NPR News, I'm Courtney Flatt in Pasco, Washington.
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