Sitting by her mother's bedside in her final days, Kathryn Cornelius recalled her hands clenched in terror.
"I couldn't breathe, I couldn't eat. I could barely see," Cornelius said.
Her mom, Marcia, was a nurse by profession. In her later years, as Marcia’s health declined, Kathryn became her caretaker.
"Between her taking care of me my whole life, and then me taking care of her in the end, we just always had each other's backs," said Cornelius. "And now I just kind of feel untethered. She was my everything."
Cornelius's father passed away many years ago. Once her mom died, her symptoms of grief went beyond emotional. It was physical pain, mingled with fear, and it got worse.
"For the first three months after she passed, I could barely leave my house. I couldn't see anybody. I stayed in my dark room. I'd wake up sweating and shaking. I thought I was having a heart attack," she said.
What she was feeling is what some describe as a grief attack. Researchers are beginning to understand this as a real condition that people suffer.
"You're hit with a number of very strong experiences at about the same time," said Sherman Lee, associate professor of psychology at Christopher Newport University in Virginia.
"Reactions such as sweating, tingling, lightheadedness, and along with those physical reactions, you'll also have grief reactions, intense sadness, strong desire for that person to come back, irresistible crying," he said
His research on this kind of emotional pain was recently published in the journal Death Studies. In the first lines, he quotes the author C.S. Lewis, who wrote, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear," in his book, A Grief Observed.
"This intense experience that a person has is very destabilizing, and that's why we settled on the term grief attack, because it's very similar to a panic attack, very discombobulating," said Lee.
A grief attack can last 10 minutes or more. It can strike any time. Some people will miss work or school because of it. Lee said he had one himself, once, while driving.
"When I had mine, I pulled over and I was scared. Like, a panic attack, they come on very strong and unexpectedly," Lee said.
"I was even wondering, do I even give a lecture tonight? Because I don't want to break down like this."
Lee has researched many kinds of loss, and has written extensively on grief, anxiety and personality. Grief attacks have previously been described as "pangs of grief," "grief spasms" or "loss-related panic."
But the details on them were sparse.
"It surprised me, as a grief researcher, that this is one area that hasn't had very much attention," Lee said.
So he and a colleague interviewed hundreds of people, studied their symptoms, and came up with a questionnaire.
"It's basically a tool to use quickly to find out whether we think the person's experience with this grief attack is intense enough to warrant some kind of professional help," said Lee.
That help may come through talking with a counselor, perhaps through hospice or other avenues.
"Grief is just a rude, rude son of a gun," said Kathleen Quance, manager of Empath grief care, which covers Hillsborough and Pinellas counties.
"It doesn't have a clock, it doesn't have a calendar, it'll show up any size, shape or form it feels like it. And it's rarely convenient. A lot of times it's really not pretty."
Grief attacks are often triggered by something. It could be a song on the radio, a certain sight or smell, anything that reminds a person of their loss.
"I've had clients that have literally had to sit on the floor at the grocery store," said Quance. "They're in the aisle, that activates their grief, you know, gives them that grief attack or grief burst, and they literally have to sit on the floor or do deep breathing."
She advises people to do something mundane. Breathe long and slow. Take some small steps. Fold towels. Anything with muscle memory.
For Cornelius, weekly appointments with a counselor have helped. So have group sessions with others whose parents have died.
"It's nice to be heard. It's nice to talk about it, because lots of people don't want to bring it up, thinking it might, you know, bring up bad feelings. But you know, anytime I get to talk or think about her, it's good," she said.
Grief counselors say just knowing that these attacks are normal, that people aren’t alone in struggling with them, can help get them through.
